Photo Finish
by Amber Gaze
Summary: Roy X Ed, Ed groaned. He hated amusement parks. In turn, amusement parks hated him. Yet here he was, accompanied by half the military unit...Warning: modern things
1. Default Chapter

**Photo Finish**

**Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction**

**By Amber Gaze**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters. All rights go to their respective creators.

**  
Su****mmary:** Roy x Ed, Ed groaned. He hated amusement parks. In return, amusement parks seemed to spite him as well. Yet here he was, accompanied by half the military unit...

_  
_**Warnings:**

_- A lot of OOC-ness so if you don't like characters not acting as they normally would please don't read._

_- This story is yaoi, which means male x male relationships. If you don't like to read this sort of thing stop now. _

- There will be modern things in this story seeing as amusement parks did not exist in the Fullmetal Alchemist time period.

_

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Chapter one: _**Unexpected Turn  
**

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Ed groaned, he hated amusement parks. In return, amusement parks seemed to spite him as well. Yet here he was, accompanied by half the military unit, standing in front of one of the largest parks within a few miles of central in their regular clothing. 

Yes they had been forced, possibly blackmailed into going undercover. Ed, of course, continued to wear his black leather pants and red overcoat, seeing as he didn't have a uniform. But still, it was weird to see the others out of uniform.

Colonel Roy Mustang had come along as well. He had been the one to announce that they were to come here and find leads on the latest case. Apparently the main suspect had been seen at this particular park, the only one close enough to central to be a ten-minute drive. They had stood around for _hours_ waiting to see this mystery person but no one had turned up.

So Roy had given them the day off, just to laze around and have fun. If this had been his main objective since the beginning, Ed couldn't say. But Roy enjoyed slacking off from his paperwork so it was most probably true.

First lieutenant Hawkeye seemed to realize this as well and began muttering obscenities under her breath involving guns and a barrage of bullet holes in a certain Taisa's office.

Riza was not the kind of woman to slack off or stay off task. She had been forced to dress up as a normal amusement park attendee to not attract attention from other families and she wasn't about to let that go to waste.

She immediately began walking around, blending into the crowd in order to keep an eye out for this "suspect" that Roy claimed to have somehow escaped from the park while they weren't looking.

Only Riza would let a short vacation go to waste by doing work instead.

Ed sighed to himself, ever since he had restored his brothers body and his own he always seemed to get himself into the weirdest situations. Why did they have to come _here_, to an amusement park of all places?

As the rest of the military unit, consisting of John Havoc, Cain Fury, Breda, and Roy began to go their separate ways, excitedly discussing their plans for the day Ed heard a loud screaming coming from above his head followed by a familiar rumbling.

Ah yes, a roller coaster. Sure Ed was seventeen, had grown several inches over the past few years, and was much more mature than he had been a few years ago but he was still scared of roller coasters.

He wasn't sure what it was about them that scared him the most.

Motion sickness?

Nah, if he could stomach John Havoc's driving, he could stomach anything.

Speed, height, corkscrews, and upside down parts?

Nah… Well maybe a little… Okay, maybe a lot.

Ed scolded himself for acting so childish. To top it off people were beginning to stare at him. Maybe he should stop mentally talking to himself in public, it could definitely get into some kind of trouble one of these days.

Unfortunately for Ed, this was "one of these days". The trouble just didn't come as he would have expected it to. No mental institution car had driven in with about a million doctors with sedatives to take him away to a nice padded white room for talking to himself, no, someone placed a hand on his shoulder.

It was comfortable, reassuring, and warm.

"Fullmetal…" A familiar voice whispered uncomfortably close to his neck. The persons breath caused the hair on the back of his neck to raise and Ed almost shivered. Luckily he controlled himself and he turned around, placing his best "don't ask me why I'm standing here or I'll transmute something" look on his face.

The blond haired alchemist turned around to face colonel Mustang who had somehow managed to get in back of him. He noted with a dull sense of satisfaction that he was finally able to look into Roy's eyes without craning his head back. Well not too much, anyway.

He sighed inwardly when Roy took the comfortable weight that was his hand off his shoulder leaving a tingling sensation in its place.

"What, Taisa?"

"Nothing, just wanted to know why a seventeen year old isn't running around a theme park like a mad man," Roy said before continuing with an evil glint in his eyes, "Are you still too small to go on any rides? I heard the kiddie rides will accept almost anyone…"

Mustang always made bad choices in order to infuriate Ed...

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL LIKE A BUG THAT CAN ESCAPE THE WRATH OF A SHOE BECAUSE HE CAN SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS AND NOT GET CAUGHT?"

Riza looked into the clear blue sky when she heard a familiar voice ring through the air. Damn that kid was loud.

'_There goes Mustang again.' _Riza thought, exasperatedly. _'Always provoking that boy.'_

"Men…" She grumbled scaring a small child with a mere glance as she walked by. She had a lot of practice in the field of scaring… Perhaps she could use it on Roy. Sure she was his subordinate… But that didn't mean she couldn't strike fear into his heart in an instant.

**pqpqpqpqpqpqpq**

**bdbdbdbdbdbdbd**

Ed angrily stomped off leaving a smirking Roy to be stared at by several adults. As the teen pushed through crowds of people many gave him curious stares at his sudden outburst and one woman whispered loud enough for him to hear,

"_Child molestation these days…"_

"I AM NOT A CHILD!"

The crowd in front of him parted. No one wanted to mess with an angry teenager. If they knew he was Edward Elric, the Fullmetal alchemist, a very pissed off teen with two hands to transmute things. They would have been long gone.

"Damn Taisa…" He grumbled to himself, walking into a nearby restaurant, one of the various establishments in the area of the park that he was in.

The restaurant was cozy, if not a bit irritating with it's purple theme color. Oh well, Ed couldn't be choosy right now, all he wanted to do was sit down and let his fury pass.

The restaurant wasn't crowded and he followed the maze of chairs and tables to the center of the restaurant where three giant lamps tinted pink, yellow, and purple were.

No one was in the center except for an old lady and a small girl who appeared to be her granddaughter.

They were both eating their lunches and Ed's stomach lurched, _'Food...'_

The old lady looked over and gave him a warm smile, which he _sort of_ returned before plopping down at the table that was under the yellow lamp.

He sighed in relief as he placed his head on the table. _'Why am I so mad? But still…'_

Ed let his thoughts drift to Roy's moist breath on his neck making him shiver again. He frowned and violently banged his table.

"Damn that man!"

The once friendly old lady looked over, scandalized, and covered her grandchild's ears: "Avert ye eyes and ears child."

Ed ignored her completely and propped his feet up on the table earning a disapproving look from a female employee. He closed his eyes and sighed, letting his anger slowly dissolve.

"Edward?" A voice asked placing yet another hand on his shoulder.

Ed jumped up, "Colo- I mean Hawkeye, What?"

Now this was a very awkward situation. Ed was not the kind of person to jump about four feet off the ground when someone tapped his shoulder, overturning his chair in the process. Riza was not the kind of woman to get surprised, but now she was and very much so.

"Scandalous, just scandalous…" The old lady murmured now completely covering her grandchild.

Ed glared at her and once his heart rate returned to normal he righted his overturned chair and placed himself in it. Propping his feet up once more Ed closed his eyes, determined to act normal.

_'Normal… I'm normal…'_

Hawkeye settled herself down onto a chair opposite the frowning alchemist and folded her hands unsure of what to say. Sure she could scare any man in the universe into thinking he was a piece of cheese, but she wasn't very useful in these kinds of situations.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing." Ed grunted, his brow furrowing in concentration.

"….. Alright," Riza said deciding to switch tactics, "How's your brother?"

"Uh…" Ed let out, recalling the last moment he had seen his brother, which had been earlier that morning

_"Ed! You can't leave me with this woman! She's crazy!" Al cried, standing on top of a chair as though it would save him from Winry's 'drowsy moments of the morning'._

_"Maybe you could leave me here when she's regained her mind…" Al pleaded, "It's too early!" _

_"Where's my fish?" Winry yelled walking around with a salmon in her hair._

_"See what I mean?" _

_"See you later Al." Ed said unconcernedly, before closing the door, getting a last glimpse of his brother's fate._

_"Why have you betrayed me brother? Why!"_

_"You stole my fish!" Winry yelled drowsily launching herself at Al while pulling out all kinds of dangerous mechanic tools._

_"Argh!"_

"I left him with Winry…" Ed replied vaguely, his eyes still closed.

Riza nodded acceptingly. A brief and awkward silence fell over the two as Riza twiddled her fingers and Ed's frown grew deeper.

_'I'm not even that small anymore!'_ He thought_, his mind wandering to his previous fury, 'I'm almost Mustang's height!'_

Riza stared intently at the Fullmetal Alchemist's face, trying to guess his thoughts.

"Damn Taisa." Ed let out once more, no louder than a whisper.

"What of Mustang?" Riza asked, startling Ed out of his stupor.

"Huh?"

"I heard you two arguing again."

Ed cracked one eye open, sizing Riza up, "so?"

"Haven't you ever wondered why he always does it? It's like he enjoys teasing you."

Ed closed his eye defiantly, "Pshh, whatever."

"I think…" Riza started, "that you enjoy it as well…"

Both of Ed's eyes snapped open, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it's just that…"

"Just what?" Ed asked, Riza now holding his full attention.

"It's like you two are shamelessly flirting."

The response was immediate, "WHAT? ME? WITH A GUY?"

The old lady now looked even more scandalized than before and scooped her grandchild up in her arms. With amazing accuracy, speed, and grace for such an elderly woman she flung the bill at a nearby waiter and jumped over several tables and chairs in order to leave the forsaken restaurant.

"My lunch!" The young girl yelled as the lady escaped through the restaurant door.

"…." Ed looked at the mayhem the lady had left. Overturned tables, chairs, and scared customers.

"I never saw her coming… Until the lady attacked…" One particular scarred couple reported to a news station later that night after intensive surgery.

'_Deny it all you want…_' Riza thought smugly.


	2. Avoidance

**Warnings: Hmm, lets see, Ed being weird, a Riza-style interrogation, a really weird dream, and Ed talking to himself. I think that covers about everything.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist or any characters but I do own the little girl and her conniving grandmother… (Grins evilly)**

**Notes: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! I'm really sorry that I didn't mention this in the first chapter but this is me we're talking about ((Very forgetful)). This fanfic includes modern day things, for example: roller coasters, technology, etc. If you don't like a Fullmetal Alchemist with these sorts of things don't read. ((Cries)) I don't include too much but still… **

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**Avoidance**

After several glances from people just trying to eat their lunch and many glares from restaurant employees Ed sat back down.

Embarrassed?

Uh, yeah, he just caused an old lady to rampage through the restaurant and now everyone was staring at him. Even with his back turned he could feel millions of eyes drilling holes into his back. One pair of especially inquisitive eyes were really making him feel embarrassed.

Riza Hawkeye continued to stare at Ed allowing a small smile to form on her face. To Ed this smile seemed to be radiating with evilness.

"Edward, when I told you to tell colonel Mustang how you feel, I never said anything about you liking him."

Ed felt like a mouse in a corner with a cat looming over him, a _really_ big cat, with a gun and a tendency to use it even when unprovoked.

"I-I didn't say anything." Ed said mumbling a bit.

"Then where did that whole rant about not liking guys come from?"

Ed blushed; sure he'd been getting funny feelings in his stomach every time he was around Mustang, but that didn't mean he was attracted to him. Right? Even if Mustang was sexy, that meant nothing.

'Wait a minute,' Ed thought, "DID I JUST THINK THAT MUSTANG WAS SEXY?"

At this realization he nearly fell off his chair in surprise. If multiple attacks of surprise could kill you, Ed would have died several times in those few minutes.

Riza watched on as an internal battle raged on within the small blond alchemist. She quirked her eyebrows as Ed began to smack his head against the table in frustration. She crossed her arms, yes she was definitely right in thinking that this might take a while, a very long while.

"I-I d-dunno…" Ed admitted.

Hawkeye sighed; men really were stubborn.

"So then why are you two constantly flirting with each other?"

If Ed blushed any harder he could have blended in with his jacket and become the headless walking jacket of doom. Not that his jacket was evil or anything… It never plotted for world domination…

"We do NO such thing!"

"What's with the long stares, the intense teasing, the-"

"What is this? An interrogation?" Ed asked clenching his fists together.

"I'm merely trying to get two people who obviously have feelings for each other to admit it openly, I've seen the way Mustang eyes you and the way you-"

"ARGHH!" Ed yelled and ran out the doors of the restaurant in the same fashion as the old lady and her granddaughter.

Instantly the restaurant was quiet, each person and couple whispering something to one another: "Child mole-"

Hawkeye glared at the whispering woman and she immediately shushed. Riza glared around at the rest of the restaurant as if daring someone to say something. Everyone fell silent and resumed eating although somewhat nervously.

She leaned back in her chair, one down, next: Roy.

**III**

The young alchemist stopped running as soon as he was unable to see that damn restaurant anymore.

He laughed nervously to himself, 'Hawkeye has no idea what she's talking about… I do not have a **crush** or any feelings whatsoever for that colonel!'

_Then why do you shiver whenever he's around? Why do your legs tremble and feel like they can't support your body? Why does your skin tingle at his every touch?_

Ed growled menacingly at his inner conscience and banged his head against a conveniently placed pole in order to stop the annoying little voice.

_Why does your- Hey! Stop that! I'm –**ow**- only –**ow**- trying –**ow**- to guide – **ow**- you in – **ow** – the right –**ow**- direction -**ow**- 'cause true –**ow**- love – **ow**- only comes –**ow**- once –**ow**- and –**ow**- love –**OW**! You know what? I quit this job! They don't pay me enough for this anyway! I'm going to Hawaii! Later dude, hope you make the right decisi- **ow**! Damn you! _

Ed sighed in sheer relief as the pestering voice finally left and all he was left with was a huge headache. "Pshh! My inner conscience doesn't know what it's talking about… in love… With Mustang? As if!"

_Then what about that dream you had last night? _

'Huh? What the hell? I though you went to Hawaii!'

_Actually, I'm your new conscience. I'm Russian! _

'What the hell is going on around here? Why am I talking to myself? Why is my conscience Russian?'

_Oh, err, right, now I'm supposed to lead your heart in the right direction… _

'Well that's basically what annoying little voices in my head usually do.'

_Okay! On with what I was saying: Then what about that dream you had last night? _

'What about it? Everything was normal enough.' Ed thought pausing to recollect his dream the previous night.

Dream

_**Everything started out normal enough; Ed was running through the forest followed by his brother who seemed to have trouble keeping up. **_

"_**Brother wait! Wait for me! Wait for-"**_

_**SLAM**_

_**Al crashed into a nearby tree in his attempt to catch up to "brother." Ed laughed at him, and began to slow down a bit.**_

'See that was a very normal dream, hehe.'

_Are you forgetting the next part? _

'I think I'd remember if I was forgetting anything! It was my dream you know.'

_Yes, and they say dreams reflect inner desires. _

'Are you implying that I want my brother to crash into a tree? What do you think I am an evil brother?'

_((Sigh)) You are hard to get along with. _

'Damn straight.'

_Lets just get on with the rest of your dream. _

'But there's nothing else.'

_Maybe this will jog your memory._

_**As he kept running with his head turned in the opposite direction he crashed into a familiar figure wearing a blue military uniform. **_

"_**Shit that hurt!" He said rubbing his head gently. **_

_**A hand reached down and lifted him to his feet. Ed looked up into the face of Colonel Mustang. Roy placed both hands on the lithe waist of the young alchemist in order to keep him upright. **_

"_**Roy?" He asked, almost looking innocently up at the older man, "What are you-"**_

_**He was cut off by Roy's demanding mouth. Ed moaned, Mustangs kiss was so fiery he felt like he would never be able to breathe again. **_

'Hehe… So umm, I guess there was more to that dream, well… umm… that's it so, uh, Mr. Conscience, you can leave now.'

_But we've gotten to the most important part! I'm trying to guide your heart here! The least you can do is allow me to perform my duty! _

'But… But… This is my brain!'

_Well guess what? I'm going to help you make the right decision in your life so STEP ASIDE JERK FACE!_

'Jeez… No need to be testy.'

_**As Roy parted the kiss Ed smiled, "I love yo-"**_

'Whoa! Whoa! Okay! I think we can stop there!'

_B-B-But I have to recount everything!_

'Uh, no freaky little voice! I'm in control now so shoo! Shoo!'

_Ungrateful little - _

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT HE CAN DROWN IN PUDDLES?"

'Great! Even my conscience makes fun of my size.'

This was the point at which he realized everyone in the nearby vicinity was staring at him, **_everyone_** as in a huge crowd of people each beginning to think that he was a mental hospital runaway. Ed couldn't blame them, if he saw a teenager randomly begin bashing his head into a pole and then have a huge mental battle with his conscience he would have already called the cops.

"Um, hehe, nothing to see here, nothing to see here, nothing to-" At this point Ed ran off in the attempt to find a quiet place to think things over where no one would interrupt him.

A peaceful place, a sacred place of quietness… Somewhere to regain his composure… Somewhere like…

**The bathroom?**

'How low have I sunk? Me? The Fullmetal alchemist, hiding in a stall because of an extremely _hot_ Colonel who-'

"Aww! Damn it I did it again!" Ed yelled before punishing himself by hitting his head on the wall of the stall.

Ed rubbed his pounding head and sighed, yep, things couldn't get worse. The young alchemist swallowed his words as an all too familiar figure in blue entered the bathroom. Correction: Yes, things could get worse.

Ed stood on the toilet in order to hide his familiar black boots from Mustang and to get a better look at what the colonel was doing.

He should have known, Mustang walked over to the large mirror on one side of the bathroom after checking to make sure that no one was in there with him.

'Conceited, looser…' Ed thought, 'Probably making sure he looks good for some woman he somehow managed to pick up…'

The blonde alchemist didn't know what should scare him more. The fact that he actually felt a bit jealous at this thought or the fact that he was slipping from his place on the toilet and the stall door wasn't securely locked.

Probably the latter of the two but at this moment all he could feel was the urge to go beat the living daylights out of some poor unsuspecting woman who was spending time with his Roy.

Wait a minute. **HIS ROY?**

**His?**

**As in a pronoun meaning "that which belongs to a person" No, he couldn't mean that… Roy didn't belong to him…**

Before Ed was able to properly punish himself for this thoughts he tumbled off the toilet he was currently standing on, hit the stall door, heard the hinges in the old door give out, and went flying to Roy's feet.

Needless to say Roy was very surprised. Probably the most surprised Ed had ever seen him. Well, besides that time Ed had put mistletoe over his office door and had managed to get both the colonel and Armstrong under the doorframe. But still, there had been fury mixed in with that surprise, and fear, he couldn't forget fear, Ed still had the burn marks to prove it.

"Fullmetal?"

Roy's voice snapped Edward back to reality.

"Umm, What are you doing here?" Ed asked.

"I think I should be the one asking that question."

"Oh, right, hehe… Uh, well, GATTA GO!"

With this the Fullmetal alchemist raced out of the now forsaken bathroom and raced by the old lady and her grand child who were both currently enjoying an ice cream cone.

At the speed at which he was going he couldn't stop from bumping into the small girl. Her ice cream cone splattered onto the ground in a mess of vanilla and chocolate.

"Sorry!" He cried over his shoulder as he continued to run as though his life depended on it.

"MY ICE CREAM!" The young girl yelled as her grandma began to yell obscenities at Ed's retreating figure.

"YOU YAHOOLIGAN! YOU'LL HEAR FROM OUR LAWYER ABOUT THIS I SWEA-" She was cut off as Roy Mustang also ran out of the bathroom and trampled over her. Unfortunately he didn't have the speed of the youth and was soon brought to justice by the old lady and her cane.

Roy learned a lot in those ten minutes. 1) Never judge people by age or gender… They can still hurt you. 2) Don't try to escape from a potentially dangerous grandma if you haven't been excused from the beating and 3) don't leave without buying both grandma and granddaughter ice cream unless you wanted to be in excruciating pain.

Roy hobbled in the direction Ed had ran off in, "All this because of you Fullmetal.'

**III**

Ed stopped running once he realized that there was no way that Roy could ever catch up to him. Unless of course he sprouted wings and flew, which was actually quite amusing to imagine.

The young alchemist could only think of one thing to do, only one person to turn to, only one person who would understand his plight…

"**Bwa-hahaha-haha" **Al laughed evilly into the phone. **"So now Ed you come running back to me, after you leave me with this insane woman?" **

"**I am not insane! GIVE ME BACK MY FISH YOU BACKSTABBING SALMON PINCHER!" Winry yelled in the background before a series of grunting noises, screaming hollers, and slaps were heard. **

"Uh, Al? Could you just hear me out? I think something's wrong with me. I really need someone to talk-"

"**ARGGHH! NOT THE STICK! ANYTHING BUT THE STICK! DEAR BROTHER! HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME SO? WHY? WHYYYYY? WH-"**

**Click**

"Al? Al? Damn it! I need to talk to you!"

**I'm sorry; the person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later or press one for more options. **

"So much for a brother… I guess I'll try again later. I wonder why the phone died though." Ed said in complete innocence.

_At the Rockbell home_

"Winry! Nooooo! Not the electrical wires! Nooooo!"

"This is what you get you lousy fish stealer!"

ARGHHHHHH

_Back with Ed_

Ed hung up the phone and sighed, all he wanted was someone to talk to.

He turned around and slouched on a nearby wall until he saw the flame alchemist inching his way through a crowd of people looking every which way.

Looking for who?

For him?

For Ed?

Oh crap, too much for him to handle at this moment, "I guess all I can do is run…"

With this said the Fullmetal alchemist sped off before Colonel Mustang could see him.

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**I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please Review! The more reviews I get the quicker I type. O.o **

**Anyway, a lot of weird stuff in this chapter huh? I hope it didn't freak you all out… I just loved his Russian conscience… It was all very random… **

**Next chapter: Catch me, if you can**

_**Review section (Today: Hands out Roy plushies)**_

**kori hime -** I have to object… Your writing skills are way better! Everyone go read her I'll Make A Man Out Of You fanfic. It is a hilarious Roy X Ed song-fic, and while you're there read her drabbles! Review them! Review them! (Attempts to hypnotize) Oh, and now I can't get that Mulan song out of my head! My family is getting very annoyed with me...

**Honey Flavored Lubrication -** I think I did spell Fullmetal Alchemist with capital letters… But then again… my bad memory might be kicking in. I'm sorry I didn't write in a warning at the beginning of chapter one about the modern day things…

**Dragons Maiden –** I'm glad I made you laugh! No, I don't live in California, I wish…

**PunkRockVash271 –** Thank you! I love making my reviewers happy… Hmm… I'm thirsty… Uh, be right back…

**PlayingwithFire –** I know this pairing is the best! I'm glad you thought it was funny, that's what I was aiming for )

**Genkai-chan –** Here's some more! I'm glad you liked it!

**Sharp23 –** Thank you! I updated! Yay! (Crashes into wall)

**Kimenomi –** I'm glad you thought it was funny!

**Cassandra -** Ed is hilarious isn't he? I'm glad I made you laugh )

**finalfantasys-child –** Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

**lazerducky27 –** I meant for it to be funny, my evil attack lady… Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

**FlameBrake –** Lol, the "child molestation", I just had to get that in their somewhere… I mean it was bound to happen…

**Please review and look at my profile for the next update time, I'll either update on that date or before it. I promise to try not to break it, unless there is an extreme emergency. **

**Amber**


	3. Catch me, if you can: prt 1

**Warnings: General chaos when a teenager goes on a flying rampage, an upset and disturbed old man, and some more Roy X Ed action. Yaay!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own any Fullmetal Alchemist characters. The grandma and granddaughter are mine to torture though… Bwa-hahaha-haha.**

**Notes: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews! You guys are the best! To all Ed fans: You're all in his fan girl crowd… LoL. Um, I guess that's all I have to say, so let's get Ed's torture – I mean story – on the way. ((Diabolical smile on face)) **

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**Catch me, if you can: prt. 1**

'This is so stupid!' Ed thought to himself as he ran by a group of kids half his age, 'Why the hell am I running away?'

_Lets take a minute to think about this. Hm, why are you running away from Mustang? Wow, we better use a lot of brainpower for this one. _

Ed growled at his conscience. He knew something was definitely wrong with him today. It wasn't every day that he had a heart to heart chat with his inner self… Or more like a heart to 'I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up you annoying little voice' chat.

_Hm, you like him chasing you don't ya?_

'Shut up! I do not argue with my conscience! It isn't normal! Plus I do not like him chasing me.'

_You do too. _

'I do not!'

_Do so. _

'Argh! If I could strangle you I would!'

_Aw, look you're blushing. _

'Damn it! You're lucky I can't bash my head right now.'

_Blushy-wushy, blushy-wushy, is that a smile I see? _

'How the hell can you see my face anyway? You're a freakin' conscience!'

_I have my ways. _

'Now you're just freaking me out.'

_You cannot resist my power. Admit that you have feelings for Roy. _

'That bastard? Hell no.'

_Admit it!_

'I said I didn't have any feelings whatsoever!'

_OoOo, are we getting testy? _

'Shut it!'

_You- _

'Hehe. I can block you out you know.'

_Have-_

'Lala, Can't hear you.'

_Feelings for- _

'Lalalalalalala!'

_Ro-_

'LALALA. MY MILKSHAKE BRING ALL THA BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEIR LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS. DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THAT YOURS LALALAA, THE BOYS ARE-'

_Okay! Okay! I'll shut up! Just stop singing… it's painful. _

'Hey! I think I was ok.'

………………………………

'Just go away now.'

_But you love- _

'THE BOYS ARE WATING-'

_Fine, I'm leaving._

'Whew, what a relief.' Ed thought to himself before he nearly tripped over a trashcan and almost rammed into a tree, 'Maybe I should pay more attention to what I'm doing…'

The Fullmetal Alchemist glanced over his shoulder and was surprised to see that Roy was still near, even though the flame alchemist _still_ hadn't spotted Ed.

For once in his life Ed was thankful to be short for his age, without it he would have some serious problems right now. Like confronting Mustang.

'I really don't want to talk to him right now, not after all those thoughts…'

'Wait a minute, was I just thankful for being short? ARGH! Not good! Not good!'

Ed caught sight of a large group of girls and before Mustang turned to look his way he silently weaved his way into them. He had to admit, they were the perfect cover. Roy was sure not to be able to spot him.

'Now all I have to do is crawl around them and quickly run away!'

Unfortunately for Ed and the girls, but especially for Ed, he was not a very coordinated person. Crawling between the shoes of girls was just something he didn't do everyday.

"Argh! I could have sworn I felt something on my foot!"

"Ew, me too!"

"Samantha, I'm scared."

"I am too! Let's run around in circles disturbing our other friends and inadvertently trample whatever it is that is crawling around!"

With that said the two girls began to run around in a frenzy of shrieks, pointy make-up objects, sharp nails, and dangerously heavy designer pocketbooks.

"Ow! Damn it!"

"Oh! It spoke! Trample harder!"

"That was my hair! Damn this! I hate my life!"

**Stomp, stomp**

"Everyone get offa me!"

**Stomp, stomp**

"Maybe if we put our heels into it, the thing will disappear!"

**Stomp, mega stomp**

"ARGH! Do you not have anything better to do than trample me?"

**Stomp, wham**

"So Brittany, Did you watch _Soap opera of the month: In love with an arm rest _last night?"

**Stomp, _bam_**

"Of course girl! I could never miss that!"

**Stomp, thud**

"Can you believe what Jacob did? He cheated on that armrest with the soda machine! What a two-timer!"

**Stomp, crash**

"I know! And can you believe that Cindy? What a malicious girl! I'm glad we're not like that."

**WHAM, Insert pocketbooks filled with bricks thud here , Smack**

"Yeah, BEST FRIENDS _FOREVER!"_

**Smush**

"Girl, we'll always be tight!"

As the torture and pain continued, Roy Mustang looked over at the large group of girls who were contentedly taking turns stepping on an unfortunate person who had managed the get themselves into the riot like situation.

He watched calmly as the girls began to scream things along the lines of, "It's a blonde rat!" and "Omigod! My pocketbook isn't squishing it!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RAT WHO'S SO SMALL HE CAN BE SQUISHED UNDER DOZENS OF DESIGNER POCKETBOOKS?"

Mustang shook his head; he had finally found his subordinate. He sighed, only Ed could cause chaos among a group of normally peaceful girls.

Ed finally got off the ground where he had resided whilst the girls had inflicted pain onto him.

"You didn't have to be so evil!" He said as he brushed some dirt off his jacket.

"He's… He's…"

Ed froze; did they recognize him as Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist? He slowly began to back away from the evil girls. Not only were they about to bring him much unwanted attention but they had also alerted Mustang to his whereabouts.

"He's so hot!"

"Huh?"

"Let's all take turns glomping him!" They yelled as the group surged forward to capture the alchemist.

"Gahh!" Ed yelled as he began to run away from the group of crazed girls, "Why are they chasing me!"

"LET'S RIP OFF HIS CLOTHES AND SELL THEM ON E-BAY!"

Roy looked on in amusement; Ed could be so oblivious sometimes. After all these years he still didn't realize that much of the female and male population wanted some kind of stake on him. He had spent so many years bent solely on the purpose of finding the philosopher's stone that he didn't see how much he had changed.

He was no longer the chibified kid he had once been. His features had defined and grown sharper, he had even grown taller. He continued to appear lean but now muscles rippled under his skin.

Insert fan induced drooling here—

'Now back to _the chase,_' Roy smirked, following the crazy fan girls and Ed's rapidly retreating figure.

**III**

Ed whipped around the corner of a nearby building. Damn those girls were fast… And dangerous… Who knew what horrors they could have in store for him if they caught him.

Ed frowned at the thought and let his mind wander to the possible implications of getting caught.

_Random thought_

"_So like, Ed, did you see that new opera show?" _

"_Like totally! I wouldn't have missed it for the world!" _

"_Omigod! Ed! Your makeup is smudging, here let me help you."_

"_HELP ME BY GETTING ME OUT OF HERE! I WILL NOT WATCH OPERA SHOWS AND BEACH BOY SHOWS ANY LONGER! SAVE ME!" _

"_You must bow down to our power YOU MUST- Here have some cheesecake-BOW TO ME! BWA-HAHAHA-HAHA! Hm, there's a documentary on pastries at eleven. Ya, dig?" _

_((Sigh)) _

_End random thought _

'I can't let this happen to me! I must run!'

Ed surveyed his surroundings and jumped behind an occupied bench, disturbing the old man who was sitting on it and was just trying to innocently read his newspaper.

He grimaced as the girls thundered by yelling profanities, whew, that had been close.

"Why the hell did they do that anyway?"

The abnormally small alchemist got off his knees and pulled himself to his feet, "This has got to be the weirdest day ever!"

He walked around to the front of the bench and sat down, completely ignoring the man who was currently giving him weird looks.

He sighed and gave a small yelp when he saw Mustang walk around the corner of the building and glance around. With no time to jump behind the bench Ed did the first thought that came into his mind. Which was, of course, a very stupid one.

He dived at the old man and grabbed his newspaper, quickly burying his face into it, in the hopes of not being recognized by his boss. The old man snarled a surprisingly evil sounding snarl and launched himself at the blond.

"Give me back my pre-ciouss."

"The newspaper?" Ed asked, still concealing himself behind it.

"My pre-ciou-ss."

"STOP MOCKING ME!"

The old man began to grab the newspaper away from Ed, who kept his hold on it. The result was a loud ripping sound followed by the mans wails and curses at having ruined "his precious."

All through this the Fullmetal Alchemist continued to hold onto the remaining section of the once whole newspaper causing the grieving man to lunge at it.

Roy looked at his surroundings, he was sure that he had seen his subordinate race this way.

'Let's see, there's some trees, some bushes, a bench, an old man and some guy fighting over a newspaper, a rock, the sky, aWait a minute…'

Mustang looked back at the old man and the 'guy.' He watched as the old man screeched something about his newspaper and promptly attacked the other person. Both figures went flying to the ground, in an all out fight. This consisted of several violent actions and words.

In the end the old man ran off holding both pieces of his ripped newspaper and gracefully threw himself over a nearby fence with ease. Roy flinched, yet another example of how the old must be respected or bad things could happen.

Fixing his face into a cocky smirk he glanced back at the other guy who had turned out to be Ed, after all. Ed got off the ground groaning in pain, next time he chose to hide behind someone else's property it was going to be a younger persons.

He looked up and nearly fell back down onto the ground, 'Damn it! Mustang found me.'

For some reason that was beyond him at this point he began to blush furiously muttering whatever came into his head, "Um… I, uh… Have to DO SOMETHING!"

Ed ran in the direction that the old man had taken and launched himself over the fence as well. Onlookers cringed at the sounds that came forth from beyond the fence.

"YOU AGAIN!"

"No not you! I mean… I'll be leaving now."

"REVENGE! REVENGE FOR MY PRECII-OUSSS!"

**Crack**

"ARGH! I'M GETTING OUT OF THIS CRAZY PLACE!"

**Smack**

"I'm gonna go global on yo' ass."

**Thud**

"Why are old people so cruel?"

**((Screeches of a random cat and trash can noises here))**

**III**

Ed huddled in the corner of the small supply closet that he was in rocking back and forth, "Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place, ARGH!"

The alchemist stood up and clenched his fingers together, "I can not go on like this! I will not hide in a supply closet!"

He sighed and sat back down, 'Or maybe I will, it's better than being outside where it's dangerous.'

After barely escaping the clutches of the mad newspaperman, Ed had crawled to the nearest restaurant and into the supply closet. No one would ever think to look in this room; it was tiny and filled with janitorial objects such as brooms and pails. Sure it was dark and could make any sane person claustrophobic but… Oh well.

_What are we doing in here? _

"Shut up conscience. What do you think I'm doing?" Ed asked, deciding that if he talked out loud he'd feel less confused.

_Getting a job as a janitor? _

"You are stupid. I hope you know that. At least my other conscience wasn't."

_At least I'm not the one huddled in a dark supply closet surrounded by pails and mops after escaping an evil golem-like man who loves newspapers!_

"Well, when you put it that way…"

_Now will you admit that you like Mustang? _

"I don't know what is going on anymore…"

_You like him. _

"No I don't, just die already!"

_You do. _

"DIE!"

_OoOo, it's love… _

"Grrrrr, I'll strangle you somehow!"

At this point an unfortunate employee opened the door to the supply room to get a mop, only to see a teenage boy trying to strangle himself.

"Hehe! You feel this! Huh, you little annoying spirit?"

_No. But uh, Ed… _

"FEEL THE BURN! –Choke—OW, Cough"

_You love him… Bwa-hahaha-haha! I win!_

"I hope you regret ever annoying me!"

_You're hopeless… And I won. _

"You'll never win! Oh, um… here." Ed said abruptly stopping his conversation with his conscience and handing a mop to the startled employee, "I'll do everything in my power to get you outta my head!"

The employee grabbed the mop and slammed the supply closet door. It was never good to mess with crazy people.

"Ok, I know what I need to do!"

_Which is… _

"Avoid Roy at all costs! Then get to the nearest phone, see if Al survived Winry's attack, and then make him help me!"

_Why do you always make your brother help you with your problems? _

"Because he knows what to do when you have feelings for some- Hey! You meant to make me say that didn't you?"

_Ah, no. That was just you being stupid. _

"Right…" Ed said, squinting as light poured into the small room and the employee from before peeked in. She screeched something about crazy people in closets and then threw the mop back into the room and slammed the door shut again.

"Well that wasn't very friend-AHH!" Ed screamed as mountains upon mountains of cleaning supplies fell on him.

The people in the restaurant looked up in surprise when they heard screaming coming from a nearby room.

"ARGHH! THE WINDEX! IT'S EVERYWHERE! GET IT OFF ME! BAHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES! ARGHH- what the hell am I leaning on anyway? OW! THE BROOM! DAMN THIS MOP, DAMN IT!"

"THERE'S A CRAZY PERSON IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET! SCATTER!" An employee yelled before flying off in a random direction.

Everyone in the restaurant began to scream as Ed stumbled out of the closet blinded by the Windex.

"IT'S TRUE! A LUNATIC! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SAVE YOURSELVES! FLEE, FLEE- Oh, and save the cupcakes- RUN!" A random man yelled before running for cover himself.

**III**

Ed grumbled incoherently as he tried to walk inconspicuously around the evil amusement park. After having his supply closet hideout ruined by the employee and the bottle of Windex he had decided to find a new one.

The alchemist wearily looked up at the nearest building that he was passing by. The sign above it flashed in annoying and bright colors. It said: Sunny Day Animatron theater and underneath that there was another sign with what appeared to be their motto: "It'll turn any frown upside down."

"I might as well hide out in that place." Ed said sneaking around to the back of the theater, "No one will think to find me here…"

The alley behind the theater was very trashed. Garbage littered the ground and graffiti was on the walls and back door. He carefully stepped around broken glass and plastic bags to get to the back entrance.

He cautiously looked both ways before sliding the door open. Once inside he found himself being shoved out of the way by dozens of people running in all different directions yelling things like, "Two minutes to show time," and "Are the bears operational?"

'Ok… I can deal with this…' Ed thought pushing his way across what appeared to be the back of the theater. He looked around and saw the stage, which was currently behind a closed red curtain.

'I guess I better find some place to hang out,' He thought before a loudspeaker announcement went on.

**Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has arrived for the Sunny Day Animatron show! **

Ed settled himself on some cardboard boxes on one side of the stage behind the curtain. He groaned as the audience applauded when the curtain rose.

"They're too loud… This was a stupid idea…"

He watched as a trapdoor opened onstage and white smoke filled the stage.

"What the-" Ed began before he started screaming, out of the trapdoor came his worst nightmare. More cynical than any mass murderer, more diabolical than any mad scientist, and fluffier than any bunny: A DANCING BEAR WITH A PINK TUTU.

"ARGHH! NO WONDER THIS WAS CALLED AN _ANIMATRON _THEATER! THE EVIL BEAR! IT'S COMING FOR ME!" The Fullmetal Alchemist yelled causing everyone backstage to look at him angrily.

The electronic bear began to dance and Ed yelped, getting off the boxes and heading towards the exit. Unfortunately, Ed slipped on one of the edges of the cardboard boxes and went flying onto the stage and straight towards the bear.

"AGHH!" He screamed before smacking into the bear. The audience looked on, appalled at this seemingly violent gesture. The cardboard on which the alchemist was sliding on continued to slide across the stage bringing Ed with it.

In an attempt to stop it, Ed grabbed the bear's tutu as he flew by tearing it off with a loud rip, "Oops."

The bear tumbled forward, stopping it's dance as it smashed into the stage floor.

He slid off stage and went flying into the wall with a loud smack. The people in the audience who had been in the restaurant at the time of the Windex incident fled the theater in horror screaming about a blond haired lunatic.

"Ouch…" Ed said before collecting his crumpled form off the ground. He watched with an apologetic look on his face as many employees flooded onto the stage to try to calm everyone down.

He tiptoed off into a more desolate part of the backstage of the theater trying to regain his dignity, after all he had just flew across the stage in front of a large crowd of people.

There wasn't a single person left backstage anyway. They were all trying to comfort the people in the audience who had been brave enough to stay and trying to fix the damage he had caused to the dancing bear of doom.

'My life sucks.'

_Yeah… _

'Damn this… Huh? What's that?'

Ed tried to look up when he heard footsteps quickly approaching him. Before he could lift his head up he was pinned to the wall behind him in a surprisingly forceful but gentle grip.

He snarled before going limp as he looked up at his captors face…

* * *

**O.o cliffhanger… Sorry for not posting yesterday… But it was Easter! So happy late Easter! I hope you liked the chapter… **

**Just as a warning to all of you… Never give me chocolate. My brother did to bribe me to help him with something and I bounced everywhere. Then I fell down the stairs and bruised my leg… U.u. Wow, that was random. (Blinks)**

**Please review! I love reviews… ((Bounces off))**

**Next chapter: Catch me, if you can: prt. 2, there will be a lot more Roy X Ed… Just to warn you… O.O**

_**Review Section (Today: Hands out Easter Ed eggs)**_

**kori hime –** lol, yeah… I did that myself and I started laughing when I was writing it… Then my dad became angry and dragged me off the computer U.u.

**Cursed Lone Wolf –** Yaay! I updated! I'm so hyper right now… I really don't know what I'm writing so don't mind me… Weeeeeeeeee!

**final-fantasys child –** I love that part too. I started giggling when I wrote that… I upset my family… Nothing unusual there.

**Dragons Maiden –** O.o I hope in a good crack way… lol…

**Jem –** I can imagine him too… I can picture him doing many stupid things… XD Flying around a stage as one of them…

**kaori-chan –** Omg, that's such a great idea! I think I'll use it in one of these chapters… n.n.. Of course I'll give you credit for the idea.

**Sharp23 –** I can imagine Roy getting beaten up too… XD

**Yorukage –** A lot more Roy X Ed scenes are coming up… Bwa-hahaha-haha…

**Friendless Girl –** I love this pairing too! Now that I have updated you must review or face the wrath of my clarinet! O.o

**wolfite – **Here's more! m.m, why do I do these weird faces anyway? Like O.o and U.u … Hm, I must be weird…

**Alexis –** I'm glad that you like it! Yay! I updated! –crashes into wall-

**NurikosLilAngel –** I hate my writing style, but I guess most people hate what they write… Anyway Yayy! You like it!

**FlameBrake –** Yes… The old people thing is correct… I'm basing this off… Personal experiences… -shifts eyes –

**Fallen Angel of Darkness –** I updated! I shall return… Bwa-haha-choke-haha-splutter…

**saFire flame –** Because of your pleading I have updated!

**Denielle –** Here you go! I hope you liked this chapter!

**Ok… Review! I sorta don't like this chapter much… I don't know why… Tell me what you think! **

**Amber**


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